


The Third Time Rachel Maddow Slept with the PRT

by bessemerprocess



Series: Sleeping With The PRT verse [3]
Category: Anderson Cooper 360 RPF, Countdown RPF, Fake News RPF, Pundit & Broadcast Journalist RPF (US), Real News RPF, The Colbert Report RPF, The Daily Show RPF, The Rachel Maddow Show RPF
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, MSNBC Christmas Party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-23
Updated: 2008-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-02 21:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bessemerprocess/pseuds/bessemerprocess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The MSNBC Holiday Party and it's aftermath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Third Time Rachel Maddow Slept with the PRT

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, I blame sarken, she wanted Xeroxing. Thanks to sarken and severuslovesme for the betas!

The MSNBC Holiday party is a thing of legend. Alcohol combined with the biggest egos in the business all let loose for one night. Last year Dan Abrams and Chris Matthews almost got in a fist fight over a game of political Jeopardy.

This year, Rachel has insisted on supervising the alcohol (which means every drink is five times stronger than it really should be), Tweety has strategically placed mistletoe over all the doorways, Keith has been following him around taking them down, and Chuck Todd has actually brought out a slide rule and is explaining how to use it in detail to David Gregory.

Rachel is chain drinking, picking up one glass as soon as the last is empty. It's the only way to make it through parties like this. David Schuster and Eugene Robinson have both tried to talk politics her already, and she's just not in the mood tonight. Tonight is for getting drunk and kissing the hot producer under the mistletoe and maybe finding Keith and filling Tweety's office with blown up condoms.

She mentions the idea to Keith.

"Not condoms. Last time Dan and I did that he bought the lubricated kind. It was damned disgusting," Keith says.

"You make such a bad gay guy, Keith," Rachel says, rolling her eyes and handing Keith another glass.

"I'm an excellent gay man."

Rachel laughs. "You are excellent, Keith. If you don't like condoms, how about gluing all his drawers shut."

Keith smiles. "Only if I get to put dead fish in them first."

"Have you been hanging around Rahm Emanuel? No dead fish. Besides, I'd be able to smell it from my office."

"True, true. We shouldn't be punishing ourselves," Keith says. His sibilants are starting to slur.

Rachel pauses, taps her finger to her lips twice and says, "I have a plan."

***

Keith isn't too sure what Rachel's plan is, but the first step is making copies. Rachel pushes buttons randomly, but nothing happens.

"Look," says Keith tapping the display with his finger. "It says it's jammed."

Rachel pries the front of the Xerox machine open as Keith squats next to her. "Aha!" she says in triumph, seeing the jammed piece of paper. She tugs; once, twice and that's when the toner cartridge explodes. A fine mist of black ink covers their arms, and with out thinking Rachel wipes the back of her hand across her face, which sends Keith to the floor, laughing.

"Were you two trying to have sex on the copy machine?" Tweety asks after sticking his head in the door. "It really doesn't work that well," he comments and then disappears.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," says Keith, wiping his hands on his pant legs. "I touched something Tweety had sex on. Rachel, we have to burn it!"

Rachel looks up at him. "You go get the Everclear, I'll find someone with a lighter."

"I have a lighter, but first, what the fuck were the two of you doing in here?" asks Joe Scarborough.

"We need to burn the copy machine," Keith explains in his best 'this is completely logical' voice.

"Chris Matthews had sex on it. We think," says Rachel, slightly confused.

"I did not ever need to know that. And also, you can't burn a copy machine. Just pour a couple bottles of water in it and maintenance will get you a new one."

"Wait, that makes sense," Keith says.

"It does," Rachel agrees.

They look at one another and in unison say, "We need water!" before rushing out the door, still covered in toner ink.

"And people watch those two," Joe says to himself in amazement.

***

"What were we getting?" Keith asks Rachel.

"Another drink," Rachel replies.

"No, we were supposed to be getting something, so we could do something with it," Keith says, fidgeting with his drink.

"Just drink the damn thing," Rachel says. "I've had three and this is only your second."

"Nu-uh," Keith says, channeling his inner fiver year old. "I had more, earlier, when Chuck was trying to explain why the slide rule was superior to the holographic calculator."

"We have a holographic calculator? That sounds like something your boyfriend's network would put on the air. Speaking of which, where is Anderson?" Rachel asks.

Keith sighs. "He's out with Jon and Stephen. He felt coming to the MSNBC Christmas party would be a little too... I dunno. He used Anderson logic to get out of it, I wasn't really paying attention."

Rachel slugs Keith on the arm. "You are the worst boyfriend ever."

"I am, but he seems to like me anyhow." He shrugs and leans against the wall.

"This is boring, and all the good alcohol is gone. Let's go find the boys," Rachel says.

"I don't know where they are," Keith responds.

"You have a phone, right?"

"Yes."

"And Anderson's number?"

"Yes."

"And you still have thumbs, like the good primate you are?"

"I think so," Keith says suspiciously.

"Well, then, call Anderson," Rachel says, in her 'follow my obviously superior logic' tone of voice.

Keith pulls out his phone and dials Anderson.

It rings four times before someone picks up. "Hello?"

"Stephen?" Keith asks. His forehead wrinkles in confusion, making Rachel laugh.

"This is Stephen."

"Why do you have Anderson's phone?"

"Because he gave it to me."

"And why did Anderson give you his phone?"

"Oh! Because we were going to drunk dial Kathy Gifford," Stephen says.

"Wait a minute," Keith says, and then flips the phone over to speakerphone so Rachel can hear this too. "You did what?"

"Drunk dialed Kathy Gifford. She likes to torture Anderson, and he was being all cute and mushy and making Jon gag, so I stole his phone and called Kathy Gifford. She wasn't there, so I was looking for someone else embarrassing to call when you rang."

Keith can hear Jon giggling in the background and Anderson shouting for his phone back. Rachel has slid down the wall and is now sitting next to Keith, with her head on his shoulder, laughing.

"Tell me where you are," Keith says in his firmest voice, because sometimes that short circuits the planning part of Stephen's brain and he gets a direct answer.

It works this time. "We're in a cab heading to Jon's apartment. Anderson got us kicked out of the bar."

Keith is drunk, but even he knows this is bad. "What happened?"

"I don't know. He just kept shouting 'I am not a sparkly pony.' Is Anderson your sparkly pony, Keith?" Stephen asks. Keith can barely hear him over Anderson threatening Stephen's life in the background.

"Nooo."

"He's my sparkly pony," Rachel yells into the phone, still laughing.

Anderson groans loudly enough that Keith can hear it through the speaker phone.

"Look, try not to get kicked out of the cab, and we'll meet you there," Keith says, glaring at Rachel.

"Fine. See you soon," says Stephen and hangs up.

***

"Did you two get into a fight with an inkwell?" Jon asks when he opens the door. They'd managed to get most of the toner off their skin with wet wipes, but it was obvious both Rachel and Keith had been covered in ink at some point earlier in the day.

"The copier attacked us," says Keith.

"To be honest, I think we attacked the copier," Rachel corrects.

"I don't really remember. There was a copier and then it exploded."

Jon shoos them through the door. Stephen and Anderson are on the couch where they're trying to fold dollar bills into some sort of mythological beast and don't look up until Rachel plops down next to Anderson. She peers over his shoulder to look at his twenty dollar lion.

"Usually people do that with ones," she says.

"I only had twenties," Anderson said with a shrug and them makes his dollar lion attack Stephen's animal of uncertain speciation.

"What's that supposed to be?" Rachel asks as Stephen pulls his animal away from Anderson's attack.

"Supposed to be a unicorn. See, I made it a sparkly horn. Do you think Anderson has a sparkly horn? Except Anderson doesn't have horns at all. I know, because it irritates him when I pat his head, so I do it a lot. Maybe he's not a sparkly pony after all!"

Once Stephen starts talking, he doesn't stop until Jon interrupts with a knowing smile. "Stephen, I thought you said Anderson was a puppy."

Stephen starts nodding and Rachel wonders if he's had even more to drink than she did.

"My good friend Anderson is a puppy," Stephen says, leaning in so he's rubbing his head against Anderson's cheek. "A husky puppy! With big blue eyes and a goofy grin. Plus, he's almost as good as a baby for picking up hot chicks."

Anderson wisely ignores him.

"Oh, like you've ever picked up a hot chick," Keith says and Stephen sticks out his tongue. "The only person around here that picks up hot chicks is Rachel."

"So very true," says Jon before breaking into giggles.

Rachel yawns, head back and hand over her mouth, which triggers Anderson to yawn as well.

"Well, that looks like the signal for bedtime, campers," Jon says.

"Yes, let's!" Stephen exclaims.

"Let's what?" Jon asks, knowing that they'll end up doing whatever Stephen suggests.

"Camp out! You don't have enough places for everyone to sleep, so let's pile all the blankets on the floor and camp out! We could even make s'mores. I know you have chocolate and marshmallows."

Jon sighs. "You know I have chocolate and marshmallows because you bought them, Stephen."

"I'll camp out with you, Stephen," Anderson says. "Jon's floor is probably one of the more comfortable places I've slept."

"Can we tell ghost stories? I want to tell ghost stories," Rachel adds.

Keith sighs. "We might as well give in. Where are your blankets?"

Jon takes Keith to the linen closet and they pull out piles of sheets and blankets and bring them back to the living room.

"Excellent," says Stephen through another yawn.

Stephen and Anderson take charge of the bedding, making a nest in between the couch and the television while Jon finds pillows.

Keith not so subtly kicks Anderson when he tries to steal a spot next to Rachel. Anderson makes a hasty retreat to the outside of the blanket pile. Jon takes the spot next to the wall, letting Stephen crawl in next to Rachel, who yawns again.

"We'll tell ghost stories in the morning," she says. "Sleep now." She curls under her blanket and is asleep in moments.

***

Rachel is the first to wake up, possibly because she's being squished to death by a pile of men. She digs her way out, displacing Keith's arm and Stephen's leg, and heads towards Jon's medicine cabinet. Two ibuprofen later, Rachel is ready to face the world, or at least Jon's kitchen.

Anderson takes her spot in the bathroom, and Jon is up and making coffee. Rachel grabs a mug and lets Jon pour her some very necessary caffeine. The post drinking morning routine is familiar now. Coffee, eggs, and ending up in Stephen's extra clothes. With the rate she ends up crashing at one of the guys' apartments, she really should just start leaving her stuff around, but Stephen's left overs are comforting now. Cotton t-shirts worn soft and an endless parade of khakis so different from the suits of his on air persona.

She has permanently confiscated one of his Stewart/Colbert '04 shirts. She has her own from '08 which Anderson gave her as a gag gift, but the one from '04 she keeps around for coming home from long days when she wants to give it all up and never think about politics again.

Slowly, the guys join her at the table: Jon with his cross word, Keith with the sports page, Anderson with his coke instead of coffee, and Stephen with the funnies. Rachel always claims the front page and Jon tosses her a yellow highlighter before she can even ask. They talk and eat simultaneously, tossing out story ideas and funny anecdotes. Anderson tells Jon the 18 down is Bujumbura, Keith curses his Yankees, and Stephen pushes the funnies over so she can read FoxTrot. Keith doesn't mention that he finally got to sleep next to her and none of the other guys seem to want to mock him about it this morning, which is okay with Rachel because she's still got a bit of a headache.

Instead, they mock Keith about the fact his face is still a little off colored from the ink.

"If it doesn't wash off soon, you can tell people you're a zombie," Stephen suggests.

"Or just really sleep deprived," Jon adds.

Anderson grins. "Or that you overdosed on colloidal silver."

"Hey," says Keith, kicking Anderson under the table. "At least I don't look smurf like."

"I am not a smurf," Rachel replies and takes another sip of her coffee as the guys laugh. She sighs. "Fine, whatever. At least I have the week off and no one will have to see me looking like a smurf."

She smiles and they go on mocking each other in between the amusing news stories and forkfuls of cheesy eggs. Rachel is home.


End file.
